Why Anxiety Got Worse After Getting Sober

If you got sober, expected to feel better, but instead feel more anxious than before, I want you to know that this is very common. You're not broken, and you’re not necessarily doing anything wrong.

You may feel frustrated and tempted to go back to drinking and/or using to relieve the anxiety. But, like you know from previous experience, that will only be an immediate solution. And that immediate solution has turned into a problem.

So let’s look at the reasons this happens and what to do about it.

What was happening before

For a long time, whatever you were using, drinking, whatever it was, was doing a job. It wasn't just fun, or a bad habit, or a moral failing. It was managing something. Anxiety, old pain, the noise in your head that never quite stopped. Substances are really good at turning the volume down on all of that, at least for a while.

So when you got sober, you didn't just remove a substance. You removed what had been your solution, the thing that had been managing your nervous system for years, sometimes decades. And nothing stepped in immediately to replace it. So you get overwhelmed by all these feelings that show up now that you don’t have your previous tool/strategy to deal with them. That's part of why anxiety after quitting drinking/using, or anxiety in early recovery, shows up so often and catches people off guard.

Why this might feel like it's getting worse, not better

Even though what you’re feeling might seem new or a result of your new sobriety, the anxiety you're feeling now probably has been there the entire time, underneath everything. You just couldn't feel it as clearly because it was being muted.

Getting sober doesn't create anxiety. It reveals it.

That can be a hard thing to deal with, especially when you did the hardest work of your life to get here and it might not feel like the relief you were expecting.

Many of us in recovery never learned how to handle life on life’s terms. We didn’t learn how to feel. Something uncomfortable came up and we looked for immediate relief. 

Many guys in recovery also have past experiences that taught them how to suppress their feelings in order to get through what happened.

Sobriety can feel raw at times. But feeling things now, clearly, for the first time in a long time, isn't a sign that something's wrong with your recovery. It's a sign that you're finally able to feel what was always there. And the only way to learn to live a sober life is learning how to feel.

What "working my program" doesn't always cover

Recovery gives you a lot of essential tools. Structure, honesty, community, accountability. Those things are important and they work. But they weren't built to specifically process old trauma or rewire an anxious nervous system. That's a different kind of work, and it's okay to need both.

If you've been doing everything right and you're still anxious, that doesn't mean you're doing recovery wrong. It might mean there's a layer underneath that needs its own kind of attention. You might need some additional tools. Your recovery, your life, will be so much better for it.

How therapy can help

This is where therapy can be really helpful. We look at what’s going on, where it’s coming from, and use different approaches to help.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helps with being present, noticing patterns, unhooking from them, and taking action as the person we want to be. You’ve already done some of this with your choice to get sober and work a program. We would build on that.

Eye-Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) helps with past experiences, current reactions, beliefs that can get in the way, and overall feelings of discomfort. EMDR gives your nervous system a safe way to actually process and move forward.

You don't have to keep fighting through anxiety that's been there since before you ever picked up. There are ways to actually work through it, not just try to outlast it.

If any of this sounds familiar, and you're in Florida or Maine, I'd be glad to talk. You can read more about how EMDR works or reach out here.